Balance

We need balance in everything right?

Well, add in a little perspective and I think you have a recipe for success.

I do not even know who I am any more. Not that I am becoming someone I do not recognize, but I have a hard time dealing with reality nowadays. Not the reality of the spouse or the kids. Not even the reality of work and school on top of everything else. It is the reality of the absolute certainty I have of the existence of God, Heaven, and the ability to be with our loved ones again.

My life changed forever earlier this year. A loss that hurts every time I even come close to thinking about it has changed the way I look at everything I do. I find myself pushed to do more. More than I maybe can do. But if I do not even try, I feel that I am falling short of the time I am blessed to be upon the earth.

And then I have the waves of worthlessness that will wash over me. I will feel like I need to stop working so hard because in the end none of it matters.

But it all does matter. It does not matter if I make the most money, live in the fanciest house, or have the nicest car. What matters is that I was not idle. I want to be able to say I did not waste the time I was given when there were others who did not even get to grow old.

All in all, I am busy, I miss my family, but I am trying to arrange things so that I can balance everything and still work towards the goals I have set for myself. It will not be easy, but I really think it will be worth it.

Just some thoughts,

Have a great day!

Everythings great, right?

Life throws you curve balls. It's just a fact. If we do not jump out of the way, they can knock us around and may sting for a bit. But get up swinging! This life is but a mere moment in the eternalness of the universe.

So, if you are down and out right now, remember there is definitely someone more down and out than you.

Get up swinging!

Have a great day!

Not soon enough......

Okay, been really busy with school,..................kind of crazy actually! Things are going pretty good and I am even figuring out my "bad" instructor and have an outside chance at a great grade but am keeping the expectations earthly based. I will be okay, very disappointed-but okay, with a B in his class.

I never before, in high school or college- when I was younger(and less busy), ever been looking so forward to a spring break! And it is right around the corner. After tonight I only have one physical class to attend, one test to take, and one mid-term essay to write. The latter of which is scaring me a little because I work every day this week. But then in class tonight, the instructor lets me know that she will take it anytime during spring break if I need extra time. HOW SWEET IS THAT!? Anyway, still would like to turn it in by Saturday night, but so much pressure is off, just knowing I have extra time if /i really need it.

And just to toot my own a horn a little. Was totally called out in front of other classmates on how to correctly post to the on-line discussion posts and to challenge other classmates. TOOT-TOOT!
(me tooting my own horn, lol)

So, anybody else looking forward to spring break? One mom I know said spring break is no break for her. Just more dirty dishes and bodies laying around the house. I for one am gonna try and find some fun stuff for the family to do. Any suggestions? And remember, we have zero money, so you gotta be pretty creative!

Have a great day stalkers!

3 A's and a pompous _____!

Okay, so time to vent! I am fuming. Okay, blog stalker, breathe........in... ......out........... ...........in............ ...............out.....................repeat repetetively........

whew......I have posted about my issues with my 'one' class that I could not seem to get a good grade in. Good grade for me means an A. I am an A student and have been most of my college life(way back then) except for that one class and then there was that one semester....but overall, yes I have been proud of my ability to rise to the level of the class and do what it takes to earn a high mark.

So obviously I was so so deflated when my first grade was so crappy. It just so happened it was the first graded item this semester out of all four classes. I was mortified, to say the least, but motivated to do better. I started "communicating" with the professor. I didn't get anywhere, hence no follow up post about it. I did end up averaging 8 and 9 points on each 10 point quiz since the first one(where I only got 6!) But the problem is, this professor is so full of himself and arrogant. His online lectures are bad enough, but his emails show me just how egotistical he is. I, and other students, have had to point out questions on the quizzes(which we cannot go back and see, or study from) were not found in any assigned readings. I have recouped points because of this.(which give me my 8.5 average)

I have some physical classes with a few others taking this online class with the same instructor. They are having the same experience if not worse. And then we take his first exam(there are only 3, two mid terms and a double weighted final) I felt so good after I checked all my answers with my notes.(online, so notes are okay) There was no way in H*^L I didn't get a solid A, at least that's how I felt till I submitted it. I got a 78. How does that happen?

After this test there was some serious discussion on the online discussion board. Apparently I got one of the better grades. The overall opinion is that he is somehow word games and changing maybe a transition word here and there to throw us off. I swear I took all my answers straight from my 'marked to death' course materials.

So, what is his response? "Some of you are displeased with the results of your exam. I want you all to do well, but please note this is an institution of higher learning, college, and it is supposed to be difficult." -Jerk

I understand difficult. Try having a million kids in a million different things and work full time, go to school full time sleep(3 hours average a night) serve in your church, be active politically at the local level, etc, etc, I KNOW DIFFICULT! He seems hell bent on personally weeding out the dregs of society based on HIS tests. UGH!

Okay, to the one reader still reading this, "Thanks for letting me vent!" As a matter of balance, I am currently earning an "A" in each of my other three classes. And the class in question.......is the only freshman level class. Yes, it is a 100 level class! unbelievable, and the rest of them are 300 or 400 classes. I just can't figure it out!

Well, still got that mid term to finish.......lol

You guys RAWK!

HAVE A GREAT DAY!

28 hour day! It could happen......right?

Okay, so my resolve to post more often is not working out the way I had planned. But I have an idea to help me out. I call it the 28 hour day. Sounds pretty good, right? Oh my gosh, what I could do with another 4 hours in the day.

So, how it would work is just get rid of Mondays. With the 24 hours we would save we could just lengthen each day by 4 hours. Of course, we would need to convince businesses and schools etc that 32 hours a week are worth the same now that 40 used to be. Okay, then school could not cover the same amount of material and oh crap, less shopping days............and what would happen to all the calender makers in the country? Okay, maybe I just need to get better at managing my time.

I am supposed to be working on a big research mid-term(one of two due) and yet I am posting a blog. Oh well, gotta get those creative juices flowing, the break from looking at all the research is good for me. right? sure it is.

well, back to the paper I guess....ugh.......and all you Monday lovers out there,.....................chill out, I was just thinking out loud.

MISSING

Apparently, you CAN teach an old dog new tricks. As anyone who has visited here over the last year knows, my family has taken about a 60% reduction in income. With that fact, I redirected where my life had been heading career wise. I secured a job in a completely new field.......at the bottom and have gone back to school full time. I would like to think of myself as a hard worker, and one who strives to always become better, no matter what the job may be.(because if you are going to do a job, its worth doing right! -Thanks dad!))

So good news! They are promoting me into management. Wait, don't uncork any Martineli's just yet, it is the very lowest in the management hierarchy. But I do feel good that my work ethic and attitude, in the face of all the adversity over this last year, helped me stand out.

Not as exciting as winning the lottery. It does not solve all my money issues. We will only get about a 10% bump in pay, but you take the good anywhere you can get it, right? It will be quite interesting, what with my hectic school demands, but I put that up front when I interviewed for the new position. Hopefully there will be minimal conflicts between my educational demands and the requirements of management.

Okay, so that's whats going on with work. As far as school, I still have not had my "meeting" with my one instructor over my issues with his class. But we will be talking today, WISH ME LUCK! I hope I can convey my issues and stand up for myself without bruising his ego or putting a target over all future assignments in his class. I am on a slightly better footing, having done better on the last couple quizzes, but standing my ground that they are not adequately demonstrating my knowledge of the material. (and throw in the fact I am ADD and see if he will work with me)

On that note, I had an initial "diagnosis" after my intake assessment and looks like I will soon get some help with my ADD/HD! YAY!

Well, you guys are the best, thanks for listening(reading)! still not as regular with these posts, but slowly becoming more organized as I complete assignments. Once I get on the good stuff I imagine I will be able to focus better and take the few minutes I want to give myself to update the blog.

HAVE A GREAT DAY STALKERS!

Lack of sle........zzzzzzzzzzzzz (AND ROLL CALL)

Yes, I am definitely burning the candle at both ends. Guess where that came from? It came from a saying that one left for work, such as on a farm, while the candle was burning(because it was still dark) and then, yep you guessed it, when one would come back home, the candle was burning again(because it was now night).

So, I did a wee better on my next quiz in this class. I am very frustrated because I knew this material frontward, backward and in Spanish even! I ended up emailing my professor and sounding my concern that his quizzes were no reflection on my mastery of the material and could not in one instance find even one reference to a question he had included. He now wants me to meet him in his office. Why do I feel like I am back in high school and am so nervous? I will let y'all know what happens when this meeting occurs.

Anyway, getting into the groove. So far, I am getting full points in my other three classes and so feel I am not a failure after all. I don't know if I will ever know what a good nights sleep is again, or if I will ever find the time to exercise again, but I am proving that you are never too old to go back to school. Funny I am closer in age to my instructors than my fellow students. Well, not that funny.

Hope everything is good in the blog world. I am sorry to say I am not getting to visit your blogs like I would like to but hope I will continue to get feedback from all you awesome blog stalkers. I will so reward those who visit and leave comments. Don't know how yet, but I will recognize y'all somehow, someway.

So jump on the band-wagon people! Or Jump back on, this is gonna be fun!

( Sound out for roll call, even if just to say hello)

Have a great day Blog Stalkers!

Pulling out my hair!

So, they say you learn a lot in college. They are right. I already learned that I am not as smart as I thought I was. Oh wait,,,,,maybe it was that I need more than three to four hours of sleep a night. Nope, I remember, it was that I have an old brain and it is not cooperating!

All kidding aside, I hit a wall. I spent so much time reading and studying etc this whole last week. There were online assignments due by midnight( I had minutes to spare when I turned them in, thank you), and couple hundred pages to read and remember all the info. Oh, and what was for each class. Heaven forbid I get involved in a class discussion and start discussing the wrong class. Anyway, I have been super busy with working full time, taking a full load of classes etc,,,,,etc,,,, but i thought I was in control of it. I KNEW this material. Heck, I could write you a three page paper on any of the readings I have read. So it was with great confidence that I took my first quiz in one of my classes, looking forward to getting it done so I could continue reading, learning, etc. yeah............you guessed it. FAIL! I only got 6 out of ten! I was and am devastated. I cannot have this. That big whooshing sound you just heard was my confidence leaving me.

I know it is just one quiz, and blah blah blah.....but I knew this material. It was the way the questions were asked and I just didn't see the connections. WHAT NOW!

Well, I am not quiting, just needed to vent. I am so disappointed with myself.

Any really great ways you guys have in taking notes on your readings? I am wondering if maybe the problem was that I read the required reading so far in advance and felt comfortable with it. Maybe I should disregard my rule of not defacing literature and mark up my books with easy to spot ideas, events, etc. Just thinking aloud here people. It may be only 6 points but it is a precedent I do not want to repeat.

All pride is gone so any suggestions for this old (with way old brain) college student, just shout it right out!

Have a better day than me you awesome blog stalkers!

<<<<<>>>>Blurry Vision>>>><<<<>>

Well, this past week of classes has my head spinning. Wondering if working full time, going to school full time, trying to raise an army of kids, volunteering in the community and serving in church is all such a good idea.

AM I CRAZY?

I hope not. I have a goal and I am working toward that goal. But man oh man, the ammount of reading that has to be done just to be able to become involved in the discussions and pass the quizzes is overwhelming. And this is from someone who LOVES to read!

I am finding myself slowly getting better organized and I am setting mini goals and pacing my reading so I do not overload. All in all it is still exciting, but if I said my heart did not skip a beat every now and again because of the load.....I would be lying.

As I write this it is the wee hours of the morning. I am definitely a stranger to my bed and I think I will soon develop permanent bags under my eyes. I may have to start popping caffeine pills to stay awake! lol

no, seriously, I do need drugs........(don't judge me) But not for staying awake. I am going to see my doctor and see what he says. Just need something to help my ADD. I have coping mechanisms but I have way too much on my plate and need to be able to sort and prioritize. Wish me luck.

OFF TO BED!

Have a great day my fellow blogstalkers!

Take your seats

So, as you know, I began the adventure of redefining myself by going back to school. This week has been the first week. AND IT CAN BE A LITTLE OVERWHELMING! lol

All in all after finishing and turning in(it is all turned in on-line) the last of this weeks assignments, I know I can do this.

I know it will not be easy. But if the kid who looks like they just stopped using training wheels on their bike can handle this, so can I gosh darnit!

Taking a full load and working as full time as possible, coupled with the demands of having a large family and being involved with our church, seems absolutely crazy. In fact there are many who know me who may say now they always knew I was. Good thing I am anonymous so nobody can know for sure. lol

So, I contemplated closing this blog this week. It was during one of those moments when I saw everything that had to be done and felt like I had half the time required to actually complete everything. But after finishing this week I want to talk about it.

As a people watcher, campus can be entertaining. Did I ever look that young? I think not. I find the instructors fun to try and decipher as well. Two of them are very enthusiastic and exciting and well, the jury is out on the other two.

So, I am going to try and actually blog more frequently. With the amount of time I have been spending on the laptop, I am going to discipline myself with "blog breaks" to just let off some steam, talk about something weird or funky I've seen or just plain ramble.(kinda like now)

My fellow blogstalkers, what have you started or began recently?

Is it exciting/scary?

What did it take to get to the point of actually starting?

Have a great day Stalkers.

You write the caption!

Should be simple enough, you fill in the caption for this photo. What is going on? Why?

That is for you to tell the rest of us.

BE CREATIVE, and by all means, FUNNY is good too!

Out with the old!

. Well, Happy New Year to all you blog stalkers out there. I have been well wished that 2010 will be a much better year for me and my family, and I sure hope they are right.

But looking back at the year that was 2009 I need to recognize that I had many blessings as well as the struggles and heartache. The majority of all our woes has been monetary. Not to discount the importance of money in our life, but I have been learning a lot about who we really are and what is truly important.

For instance, I didn't think twice before about how many unnecessary expenses I was incurring because I thought I needed something. Even if/when finances get better I think I have learned that there are some things that we can go without if it means being more financially sound.

The biggest thing that I have been reflecting on is credit and how easy everyone throws it around for us. Some things are okay for taking out a line of credit but we(I) have had to learn the hard way that if you do not have the money for something, then you don't get it. I for one had totally been caught up in the "got to have it now" mentality. The hardest lesson was losing our new vehicle when we could not make the payments any longer. I cannot see ever buying a vehicle again, that I do not pay for completely up front.

I also have been confronted point blank with the fact that God loves me and my family. I had never doubted this but have had some tearful reminders of his tender mercies this past year. We have had our share of troubles and I do not make light of them, but through this I have been humbled and know even better what is really important. I have had the opportunity to have my testimony of the Savior grow through having to suck in my pride and allow others to help us. That was/is not easy. I don't even know if those who have helped us even realize how much they have done for us.

A few days before Christmas a package was left on our front porch. It was addressed to our family and each one of us personally had a gift in this package that said from Santa. The gifts were very personal and bring a tear to my eye even as I write this. Not because of what they gave us, which was very nice, but because of what they did. Whomever did this for our family cannot know how much this act made us feel loved and appreciated. I have tried to think of who did this for us and might even be giving away who blogstalker is because they might be reading this, but it has been acts of kindness like this that have been carrying us through these hard times. We have truly had angels here on earth watching out for us and just hope those who have done these things for us know just how much they have done for us, and not just physically but emotionally and spiritually.

So as we discard the year known as 2009 and embrace all that lies ahead in 2010, I hold my head high and that the lord for all that I have and even for all that I have lost. Without sorrow we may never truly know some of the greatest joy. I wish all you blog stalkers out there the very best of new years.

Do not put off til tomorrow what can be done today!

Have a great YEAR!