Tuesday, October 20, 2009

New beginning and Answers?

Today was the first day of the rest........BLAH BLAH BLAH. It was not all that big a deal but was a change none the less. Today I started a new job. I am not making more money and I consider it a lateral move.......... but there are some perks.

I will now be in closer proximity to the house and kids if they should need me. I am close enough that the gas I will save will be like getting a raise. YAY ME! So anyway, the best reason is a selfish reason. THERE IS A QT WITHIN WALKING DISTANCE! Seriously this is a perk. I love the place. 30 choices of beverage, fatty foods and candy.....oh, and gas, clean bathrooms etc..

Do you feel like I do on first days? Are you back in first grade or the first day of high school?
Hoping you look cool, but like your not trying to look cool? Too funny, but it is true.

It is almost like a first date. Bear with me on this. When you go on a first date, you are so concerned on how you look in your jeans. You worry yourself about how your hair looks. Everything has to be perfect. Usually you eat more politely and maybe even pay attention to what your date is saying and make some clever comments that make you seem so witty. Then fast forward one year and you are getting take out in some "comfy" clothes and your hair, who cares? Anyone.....?

Well, I happen to be that person who tries to be the perfect student but not the brown nosed nerd at the front of the class. (these analogies are getting out of hand) Well, anyway, I am working with some good people(for a first date at least). Hope it holds true.

On to what else I wanted to write about. Do you remember the dream I told you about in the last post? Well, I don't see that it is very connected but something happened. I have a good friend. This friend has been fighting a cancer for a little over a year. I talk to this friend every now and then and we have gone out to catch up and enjoy some different activities. I had turned down an invite to go with this friend somewhere about a month ago because of some different family commitments. I left messages a few times since and texted but never got a response.

It was not like we were needy or that we texted often so I thought nothing of it. Well, 2 days after my last post I was talking to a fellow friend who still worked with them. When I asked how they were doing there was silence. The silence was followed by an apology for me not having heard that my friend had passed away.
-----SHOCK--------

I was then informed that the funeral was one week previous. Again ----SHOCK----

It is not like this friends spouse had any obligation to tell me. I was certainly not "best" friends with them, but not one person (we share several acquaintances) let me know and i feel as guilty as heck that I did not keep in better touch and make sure i ws on a calling list or something.

GUILTY>>>>>>>>>GUILTY>>>>>>>GUILTY

Why do I feel so guilty?

What does this have to do with my dream, if anything?

Just thinking aloud......Have a great day!

10 comments:

EmmaP said...

wow on the friend and coinkydink dream! whoa!

and yes... i am that same high schooler trying to make a good first impression... or like the date... it's how i roll! i get it... Totally, dude. What? I thought we were still playing "high school"!!!... lol!

Vodka Logic said...

Good luck with the new job. I have been at mine for 23 yrs so hard to remember the first day.

Sorry about your friend. You would think someone would have told you... don't feel guilty.. you didn't know.

Tulsi said...

Sorry about your friend. I don't take the newspaper anymore so have had that happen to me before.

I think lots of things make me feel like just going back to school after being sick or something for so long. Hope your new job is a good one!

Arielle Lee Bair said...

Sorry to hear about your friend. My thoughts are with you. No matter how close you were, it is hard to lose someone. As for your dream, I think it's very possible (as far as I'm concerned) that your dream was the phone call you didn't get. Sounds like you dreamed what you dreamed (I remember, I commented on that post as well) around the time of your friend's passing. It sucks that you found out too late to attend the funeral. ::hugs:: Good luck with the new job!

Lan Nguyen said...

I'm always worried about first impressions and second and third... I tend to get upset when I think I've done something to create the wrong impression of myself. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Feeling guilty is only natural, but I'm sure your friend wouldn't want you dwelling on it.

Mike said...

Not Guilty. Your job hunt and family had priority.

RhondaLue said...

That's rough. We had a good friend (an older man) that was in a care center and things weren't looking great. We planned to spend our Fri night date going to visit him. He died Friday morning. I still feel sorta guilty that we hadn't seen him first. He did so much for our family and we really loved him.

But we just can't know what is going to happen. It's very unfortunate that someone didn't let you know. THEY should feel guilty for that. (not the wife, the mutual friends)

petra michelle; Whose role is it anyway? said...

Congratulations on your new job, Blogstalker! And guilt...who hasn't felt it?! Forgive yourself for whatever you're beating yourself up about, and move on!

Much success, and have a wonderful weekend! :))

Juliana said...

Don't feel guilty--what happened was life. Ironic how you started this new job in the midst of this sadness...that is how life works out...just keep that friend close to your heart...

Antoinette said...

Wow...I was going to say something similar to Arielle about that dream being the phone call you didn't get. She's right. It sounds like it happened at the same time as your friends passing. I'm truly sorry for your loss. It is very very tough to lose friends. Keep her close in your heart though...she'll always be with you.

Congrats on the job! :)

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