Sunday, October 4, 2009

I had a dream!

What do our dreams mean?
I am going to share something very personal. Something I do not usually do here in this format to be sure. But I feel strongly about this and figured it is not like identifying info or anything and would really like to talk about it.

So here it goes; I had a dream the other night. This was not a dream like the type of dream I usually have had. Usually my dreams can seem real, but good or bad, they end and I find myself either wishing it had not ended or glad I woke up.

This dream was as real as any dream could possibly be. It was so real I have a part of my brain that wonders if it was a glimpse into the future. (and I did not watch "flash forward" right before bed! lol) Let me give a little background. Several family members and people close to me have succumbed to cancer in the past 10 years. Cancer is an evil menace and I do not take the mention of it lightly. I do not joke about things like this and so this dream is freaking me out.

Again, this dream felt very real, as if it really happened to me. I went to a doctor because I had a lot of pain in my side or something. I must of had some things checked out prior to this doctor visit because the dream was about the conversation with the doctor.

He sat and took a deep breath. Then he proceeded to tell me I had a large tumor. It was larger than anything he had ever seen before and was amazed I had not had more problems prior to coming in about it. He said it was so advanced that there were not a lot of options but proceeded to go over them with me anyway.

The rest of the day(in the dream) is still so clear to me. Spouse and I decided that with not much of a chance of survival, the best thing to do would be to make the most of the time I had left. It would be better than being sick the rest of my life just to extend it a little while. It was the scariest thing I have ever been a part of. I am not ready to leave my family. The emotional drain of that day, the day that didn't even happen, has been weighing on me a lot. Everything that I have not done yet in this life flashed in front of my eyes. I thought of everything that I have not experienced with my children yet. There are still stages of life I have not reached and experienced. But what makes me any better than the thousands who die every year who can say the same things?

And then I am the end of that I just woke up back in time before it happened.

Very X-Files-ish wouldn't you say?

Well, I just had to write it down. If you have any ideas please share them. I am not fatalistic but am still pretty weirded out by it.

Have you ever had a dream that was so real you can still remember every detail of it to this day? What was it about? Did it change the way you looked at life or how you lived?

Thanks for your comments and.........Have a great day!


Vodka Logic said...

That is freaky, and sorry it was so upsetting.
The only dream I can remember recently was driving my car on a slope and thinking it was going to tip onto its side. I actually can't be sure it didn't happen, really weird. I don't know about interpretation sorry.

If I were you I would be inclinded to get a physical. Good luck.

Nicolasa said...

I dream a lot and I remember a lot of what I dream. Some of the dreams are weird and I look up bits of the dream online to see what it could signify. I have yet to have a dream like this that could make me re-think life. That is very nerve wrecking. I hope that you can sort through it and continue to live the life you hope to have in spite of what you fear might be ahead of you.

Rhonda said...

I, too, have had dreams like this. They are not pleasant. I think it depends on my mood when I go to sleep.

Try to forget about it and put a smile on. Or take the dream to mean that you need to work on your quality time with your family.

Tulsi said...

I've had dreams where I wake up and start doing things in my day,..... and then I wake up from the dream. The first wake up was part of the dream. It seems strange. I have dreams all of the time where I'm not even one step ahead of someone after me. I hate those. I've had dreams where I wake Steve up, whichever state or country he is in. But I can't think of what they are about right now.

EmmaP said...

i have very vivid dreams all the time. sometimes they mean things... sometimes not so much. once I was talkng to my counselor, and she was helping me figure out a very disturbing dream. in part of the dream, i was on a yellow school bus. I had a hard time figuring this part out. She finally looked at me and said, "Emma, sometimes a bus is just a bus." So, I think it is important that you wrote it down so that you can go back to it later and try to determine parts of it. Maybe, perhaps parts are just a bus. I have this recurring dream about a dark-curly-haired girl. Most of the dreams involve me adopting her or rescuing her from somewhere. Finally, I had to draw her on paper. who knows...

Mike said...

Dreams are usually your brain locking in bits and pieces of what happened the day before. Were you talking about cancer the previous day. Or maybe a person that you knew that had cancer? If the think hard enough when you wake up you can usually tie your dreams back to something that happened yesterday.

And no one gets out of life alive so you should always "make the most of the time you have left'.

Vodka Logic said...

You have an award awaiting on my blog :)

Organic Meatbag said...

I had a horrible dream that my Mom had cancer and it made me sad and depressed for days...dreams are powerful!

kyslp said...

I am a vivid dreamer - at times. It seems to come in phases. I also have recurrent dreams. I have since I was a child. I don't think I change my behavior because of my dreams though.

petra michelle; Whose role is it anyway? said...

Wow, Blogstalker! That would scare the dickens out of me too! But at least it gave you the opportunity to see into the future. Try to enjoy every moment while you're here! They're precious!

Mike said...

Hey, for this post you need to lock your first song into Roger Hodgson's - Sleeping with the enemy.

Tulsi said...

Both of my girls have had dreams involving Kass. Brie has dreams of Kass "going bad" and murdering people but in the end he ends up committing suicide so he doesn't kill her. She's had those dreams since she was a little girl and wakes up crying. Then she tells Kass and he hugs her and tells her not to worry, he's not going psycho. Mik has dreams about both of them dying. Not in the same dream. One night not long after Brie got married Mik had a really really bad one. I don't remember now what it was about. But Brie died and Mik couldn't stop crying. This was about 2 years ago. It was like 3:30 in the am and we had to finally call Brie. I called Brie and said "Mik had a really bad dream, can you talk to her"? Of course she said yes. Mik is just crying into the phone and kept asking "are you SURE you are ok". I thought we were going to have to drive over to Brie's house (not far) but the call was enough until she saw her the next day. Brie didn't mind the early call at all because she said she has felt like doing that herself, sometimes. I don't recall Kass having to many bad dreams that he tells us. We know the girls do/did because they would wake us up in the night. Now Brie tells me the next day. No one has had bad dreams about Kass since he left in Feb. I'm afraid we'd have to call the Mission Home - or the family he is living with, and explain the situation if it were Mikele. She wouldn't wait until "Email Monday".

Arielle Lee Bair said...

I have had some very vivid dreams. I actually keep a dream journal and have for about 6 years. It's an amazing tool, because 1) it almost causes you to remember your dreams more and more as time goes on and 2) when you read back on dreams you may have forgotten about if you hadn't written them down, you can see that things have since happened in your real life that are reminiscent of those dreams. Sometimes it's...precognitive in a way... but most of the time it's just like you had glimpsed a little bit of truth or emotion that would later play a part or make you think.

I think the simple answer of what your dream means is: it's a way of telling you to appreciate your life now. In the now. Every moment. (Not that you haven't already thought of that yourself...) I don't think for a second that it means you will die in the near future or that you will die of a tumor (I certainly hope not!) but I think perhaps it was a way of letting you HAVE that feeling of loss and sadness and fear of leaving family and friends and the life you know WITHOUT actually have to have the experience of dying in your real life.

Hopefully that made sense. Dreams are so intriguing...

Gloria said...

I think that dreams are a means of sorting out things that are in our sub-consciences. When my life was out of control I dreamed a lot. Now I am happy I dream hardly at all. Maybe this is an opportunity to put more into the people who love you, people you are not ready to leave yet. This could be the opportunity to make up for things that you have not prioritised as yet?

Very interesting post and thank you so much for sharing it with us.

This is my first visit to your blog and I am impressed with this very first reading. Must read more!

Gloria said...

. . . my URL . . or press my image to come visit!!!

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

I thought for years my second daughter would die at a young age because of a truly haunted me until she passed that age in real life. I wish now I had written down the dream because when I read your dream what strikes me are the words you choose. A tumor so big it is amazing you didn't have problems before now and there are only a few options. The realization of what is important. My big problems are symbolized by water...being in over my head, drowning, up a creek without a paddle, etc. The big C characterizes your problems.

Is some big choice ahead of you or maybe a big choice you should be making but can't for various options?

And, yes, the dream about my daughter changed the way I looked at life. I didn't sweat the small stuff as much with my second.

Jill said...

I have upsetting dreams all the time. I'm told they are nothing to worry about, and that everything that seeps into your brain from birth is subject to the screenplays that are your dreams. I notice my scariest medical dreams are after a rousing night of Grey's Anantomy... go figure.

Love your blog!

Lola Takes Pictures said...

Yikes! But you know your subconscious mind is telling you something don't you? You sum it up very well here:

"I thought of everything that I have not experienced with my children yet. There are still stages of life I have not reached and experienced."

I love analyzing dreams simply because they provide insight into what is really going on in your head that you haven't admitted or confronted yet.

Now get busy living!

Antoinette said...

So sorry about your yucky dream! I tend to only have bad dreams when I'm either sick, on my period, or ovulating. Nuts, right?

I often have dreams that leave me feeling unsettled for days after and it's always hard to shake that feeling that they leave you with. Sometimes I feel they can be slightly precognitive...or at least have been in my experience just a bit.

I would also be inclined to go get a physical if I had that dream...but that's just me and I'm kind of a hypochondriac. LOL

Thanks for visiting my blog and becoming a follower! I love new reader! I'm going to follow you as well...I'm loving your blog so far.

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